Boobies, Boobies, Everywhere...

Last night I took my 2 year old to Chuck-E-Cheese. I obviously had a hankering for pizza topped with boogers, or was just under the dillusion that we'd go and have an uneventful experience.

If you've ever taken a child to Chuck-E-Cheese, you know that it is impossible to have an uneventful experience there. You always see something you don't want to see (kids digging for gold, and I don't mean in an arcade game), hear something you don't want to hear (JOHNNY! If you don't come back here this instant I'm gonna go outside and beat your butt so hard you won't be able to sit down for a month!), or have to deal with the children of other parents who are too lazy to stay with their own offspring to ensure that they don't aggrevate other customers.

My "dinner" last night included all of the above, and a new element: I saw a woman walking around the arcade area while openly breastfeeding her baby. Yep, you read that right. She was walking with one boob hanging completely out of her shirt while a kid latched on and went to town.

I was no longer hungry for the rest of my pizza.

Now, before anyone starts screaming at me, yes, I realize that babies have to eat and that breastfeeding is a source of nourishment for a child. I get that. But I do not get why women feel the need to impose their ta-tas on other people. (And, please note, it's never the Heidi Klum's of the world who are exposing their boobies). Why do these women refuse to cover themselves while they breastfeed?

My friend Jessica saw a boob in church one day when a lady on the FRONT PEW of the sanctuary was nursing her kid, and it launched a similar discussion.

However, the lady at Chuck-E-Cheese was doing it in a RESTAURANT where people were EATING. I mean, it's a crappy pizza joint surrounded with kids, so most of the adults there are already nauseated. There's only one place where boobs and food go together, and that's Hooters.


There are people who claim that openly breastfeeding is a human right because it's natural.

Well, so is masterbating.

But if you saw someone do THAT at Chuck-E-Cheese, I'm pretty sure he'd go the way of the PeeWee Hermans of the world and end up in jail for indecent exposure.

Women need to realize that NO ONE wants to see them go all Janet Jackson and pop out their breasts in public! Use a blanket, buy a Hooter Hider (yep, it's a real thing; Google it), or for God's sake, go to the bathroom and do it.

Just don't assume that everyone in the world wants to see your boobies.

I mean, unless you're Heidi Klum, and then everyone in the world probably DOES want to see your boobies.

But that's a different story entirely.